Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
