I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
