pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
