so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
