never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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