I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
