there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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