3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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