K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
