Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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