Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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