What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
