Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
