Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize