so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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