Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
