dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
