He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
