The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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