I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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