I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
