Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize