Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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