im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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