New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
