I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
