Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
