Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
