the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
as a side note pls kill me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
