this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
