is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
