nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
