the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The air was thick with penises
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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