Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
zippers are such a cool invention
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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