When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
