You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
