I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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