Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
