fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
