You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
