I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
