I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
