I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want her autograph on my taint
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
