we have officially lost it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
