Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
