I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
