We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
