i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I deserve this hangover.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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