final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
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im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
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Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize