Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
