we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
