I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
