The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
