So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
