Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
