Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
