definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
