So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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