I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
