I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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