I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
