Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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