i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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