K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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