Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
