I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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