i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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