Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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