You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
