It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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