My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
